The Faithful One
A while back, I wrote a book called Imagine God in the Clouds. Mostly, I wrote it to show off God’s beauty reflected in the heavens. I love to take pictures. And I especially enjoy taking pictures of clouds and other celestial phenomena.
I enjoy sharing about my spiritual journey. Through this journey photographing the heavens was one way the Lord revealed Himself, his glory, his power, his love, his omnipotence. In every picture their was a message. Even though I had been a believer for many years, through the years my faith had teeter-tottered on the fence, hither and thither. I had one foot in the world and one foot – well… really just my tip-pie-toes, in the things of God. Mind you, I thought I had faith, but truly, more often than not, I relied on my own abilities to navigate this world. I would turn to God out of frustration, with myself, with my children and in general.
I confess, I have never been able to handle rejection. Frankly, I never met anyone that could. And for me, divorce was the ultimate rejection. Many times I found myself in an emotionally abusive situation. And getting blamed for every thing going wrong, well… I just had a difficult time making sense of my world. Since my divorce I struggled with my faith. I struggled with understanding why God would allow so much heartache in my life. More so, I struggled to understand why the father of my children hated me so and how he could just reject the children he helped create. So often, I felt so alone trying to deal with all the emotions and sorted thoughts in my head. It has been a long journey getting to a place where I can look to the heavens and rather than saying “Now what, Lord! I can look up and ask “Where to next, my Lord?”
It never fails that when things go wrong we tend to feel that God has turned His back on us. As if, everything God does, every time God moves, it is about us. In my journey, the Lord showed me that everything He is doing in my life is not necessarily about me. I can admit I don’t understand God, or the many ways in which He works – but I can say thank you Lord, for Your grace, Your mercy, for loving this wretched woman that can’t do anything right. And, it was in my inabilities, my weakest moment that God began His work in me. I can say that He consoles those who mourn in Zion, He gives them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. (Isaiah 61:3)” Praise the God of the heavens!