Living in the Last Hour

“God wants us to live humbly. And facing difficult situations sometimes makes us angry, especially at God. And it is hard to be humble when we just want to be angry over circumstances. The man on the corner had plenty of reasons to be angry. I think it is safe to assume He knew God to some degree. He recognized the God of the heavens. God wants us to live obedient lives and sometimes that hurts too. I ask myself what is God trying to tell me, or teach me through these circumstances, except that “He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)?”

So, my post on August 9, I wrote about some bad news I received from an oral surgeon. That day he did a biopsy on this thing in my mouth. He sent it out for testing. Aug 30 I went in for the results. The staff was mighty pleasant that morning. The dentist was especially warm. They had set the stage to deliver unpleasant news. I admit I was nervous. As the dentist started to describe the testing he reminded me that he did tell me it could be a cancer. He recited the results from the lab and once again reminded that he discussed this possibility with me. He could not tell me anymore than the findings. As compassionate as he was, this was not his specialty so he would have to refer me out for additional testing and treatment. My husband was in the waiting room. I called him to join me in the exam room to hear the news from the dentist. We were both in disbelief. I was shocked. I was speechless. The dentist made a referral to an ENT clinic. The same place that did the testing. Before we left I was told the clinic would call to schedule an appointment.

We went and had lunch. I did not expect a call from the clinic so quickly. But… the billing dept promptly called to get insurance information. I missed the call, so I returned the call. Well, when I mentioned that I would be self-pay I was told that the clinic did not take self-pay. I called the dentist and gave him the news and asked for another ENT recommendation one that took self-pay. We played the waiting game. I emailed my primary doctor to get his input. His LVN returned my email asking for the name of the dentist which he contacted to get more information. He was not forthcoming. Because I do not have health insurance I self-pay for my preventive medical care. University hospital where I get my care provides care at reduced rates for uninsured patients. I was amazed that the ENT clinic did not take self-pay patients. Why now? I emailed the billing department to verify the information.

Hello, my name is.... I receive my primary care through UHS. On August 30, I was diagnosed with some kind of salivary cancer. I was referred to ENT at UT Health by the oral surgeon, but I was told by UTH that they do not take self pay patients. I inquired from my Primary doctor and his office told me that UH ENT does not take self pay.
I have an appointment with an outside ENT on Oct. 13. I wanted to stay within the UH system since it is where I get my care. I do not understand why some UH clinics take self pay and not the ENT. I realize that any type of cancer type would be quite costly. I do not have health insurance. I do not qualify for Carelink or Medicaid. My husband and I live on a fixed income. He receives his care through the VA and I am not entitled to share in his benefits. Being that this a serious health matter we are prepared to accept the cost. We will find a way to pay for the care. Payment options are a lifeblood for us.
From what the oral surgeon told me this thing in my mouth needs further testing. He did a biopsy on it and it was UT Health that did the analysis. I do not know if UH could get me in any sooner than Oct. but I was under the impression that all UHS clinics took self pay patients. Can you confirm that ENT does not accept self pay and if so do offer any referrals or have any other resources that might help me get this medical issue addressed?

Good Afternoon,
I apologize for the inconvenience but for the information you are requesting you would need to speak to UT Health regarding their providers and self-pay. University Health as a facility will do a self-pay discount but each UT provider is different that service in our facilities. You may contact UT Health at 210-450... For other referrals you would need to speak to your referring provider and inform them of your specific situation.

UT Health was adamant. No self-pay. I do have other great UTH doctors that do take self-pay, but for whatever reason, probably cost, these particular specialists refuse self-pay. I did not allow this unsettling dilemma to keep me from searching.

Today, I was able to find another ENT clinic outside my network of providers that takes self-pay, but the earliest appointment they have is October 4. It is a week earlier. I should hear from them tomorrow. I also called the American Cancer Society and the rep I spoke too was very helpful. She gave me a better understanding of the type of cancer I have and such. She provided some valuable resources. I also looked it up on the NIH website to get more information. None of what I heard or read was especially encouraging. So… waiting.

That same day, August 30, I had made plans with my younger sister to go to Fort Worth (FW) to help our older sister move some stuff into storage. I kept those plans. I told my husband that I did not have the strength to tell my daughters so I asked him to share the results with them. I am the one they come to when they get unsettling news. I knew it would hurt me more to share such news with my children. Sharing the news with my sisters was not going to be as difficult for me. We are all experiencing health issues of varying degrees.

My husband and I met my sister half way and from there she and I drove up to FW. My sisters were stunned by the news, and they both disagreed with the diagnoses. No doubt, we have some genetic hand me downs, but cancer is not one of them. As bad news goes we spent the evening in denial. But, for me it was to real, so I spent the next two and a half days dazed by the news, trying to figure out what the heck was happening here. Then an interesting encounter occurred on Saturday morning.

Well, by Thursday we had finished with the moving, but we still had to load my younger sister’s car with stuff we were taking back to San Antonio. We spent the rest of time relaxing and watched a movie. My husband called me on Friday to tell me he had contacted a pastor friend of ours to share the news and ask for prayer. He was hoping I would not be upset for sharing the news and I wasn’t. I was like, I need everyone’s prayer. Anyway, leaving Friday did not work, so we figured to leave early Saturday morning. Come Saturday morning my younger sister and I began to load the car. As we came of the elevator this elderly woman stopped us and asked if we were moving out. We told her we were helping our older sister move out. She kept following us and talking about this darkness in the complex that she and another tenant had sensed.

This woman continues to share her thoughts then she starts talking about a YouTube video she was watching about a man who had a near death experience. She’s describing the man’s experience and how he heard a voice telling him, “It is not your time.” she repeats it like three times staring right into my eyes. She is still talking when my sister comes up, then she turns to my sister and asks her if she sensed a darkness in the complex. Well, my sister knew this woman. The tenants call her the Christian lady. Well, she certainly made me think about my situation.

It has been a week and I still don’t know how I feel about this situation in which I find myself. Before the day of the diagnoses the Lord had shown me something. I will post that tomorrow. Between that and the encounter with this woman, my husband reaching out to friends for prayer, when we left FW a sort of cloud had lifted from me. I had been reading the book of Judges. I was reading in Chapter’s 11-13. Thirteen being the birth of Samson. That message also reached me. I sit here, writing about this experience and waiting. I need to be still and wait to see what the Lord will do. I have done what I can to find medical care. The answers I seek no man can answer. I am sharing because writing for me has always been cathartic.

Blessings. More later.