My dear friend, Lupe passed away on Monday night. She had spent the afternoon with her grandchildren, her estranged son and her husband. During their visit she had an anxiety attack and the nurse had to give her something to calm her down. Hubby asked her if she was afraid and she said no. Everyone left, but her husband who stayed with her until she calmed down and fell asleep. Since she was out he figured he would go home and take care of some stuff and come back the next day. Soon after returning home the hospital called him and told him he needed to return to the hospital. He got there as fast as he could. She was in rough shape. Lupe was having a difficult time breathing, but her hubby said she was sleeping peacefully. He said she gasped. She took her last breath and went home.

I could not have known that my visit the Wednesday before would be the last time I would see her. I had car problems during the weekend, so I was not able to visit with Lupe on Monday morning. She usually had dialysis on Tuesdays and was out the whole day, so I would not visit until Wednesday. That visit would never take place.

I have not had a chance to cry for my dear friend. I will miss her. I hate that I had to hear about her death from my sister, that read it on Facebook. I know her husband was probably caught up in the moment, but he thought enough to call family living hundreds of miles away, but could not text me to tell me my dear friend had passed. Family quickly posted on Facebook. My flesh was offended. I called him right away to hear the news from him and all he could tell me was she had passed last night. He could not talk anymore because he had another call coming in. So, I confess I have been wounded. This flesh! Who will save me?

Well, last night I had a dream. In my dream I find myself at home. We were all there. It was a beautiful home too, very spacious. I looked out the window and saw Lupe and her husband pull up in front of the house. I could see her husband look back as if he were reaching for something in the backseat, then Lupe opened the door and got out of the car. She darts to the front door. It opens and she quickly walks in. Yes, she walks in. She is smiling ear to ear. She is dressed in jeans and a nice fitting top. Her hair is short and styled. She is beaming with joy. She is looking so young, healthy and happy, completely restored. I had never seen her that joyful. From the look on her face I could tell that she was happy to be home.

We can see her. I can’t see who “we” are, but I know I was not alone. For some reason, I get the feeling that she is looking for me, but she never sees me. We don’t engage in conversation. She is walking around just a smiling…she kinda seems to walk on and then I wake up.

It was truly awesome. I was happy for her. I was confident the Lord had given me a glimpse of what my friend had just experienced. Going home. As believers in Christ we all want to get there. We all want to go home. Our loved ones will miss us when we leave this earth, but truly the next life is more than we can imagine. Jesus had prepared a place for us that will surpass anything on this planet, of that I am confident. It sounds morbid, but I am so glad that Mercy came running to save my friend from further pain and suffering. He leaves me completely humbled. Our God is an awesome God! I am trying not to harp on how I found out about Lupe’s death, because the Lord was gracious to show me how she got home.

Praise God, for His mercy is new everyday!  Be blessed! sunrise-2011

Part 3: when mercy comes running…

As I walked down the corridor to her new room I could picture her sitting up in her bed, active and smiling, giving praise to the nurses for their excellent care. She can be that way. Nov. 3 post

Today, my friend has her life back, complete and at peace. Last night she went to be with her Lord. It was expected just not so soon. Mercy came early. She was tired. She knew she could not live on in agony, strapped down like some loony because she kept pulling of her tubes… unintentionally I believed. I sat with her a few times the last few weeks. I prayed with her and for her. I brought in a dear friend to pray for her. I was powerless to help my friend, so I begged the Lord to help her. Mercy came running.

I am happy for her. It’s the day she longed for, the day she would get to meet her Creator.

2 Cor. “For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.”

Today my friend can sing and dance praises to her God. She can rejoice with those that have gone before her. She will get to see her son again. She is free from that earthly body that kept her in bondage to machines. Rejoice with me.

Pray for those left behind.

This flesh is not happy having to learn about her death on Facebook. How selfish am I? I can recall the day she phoned me in the wee hours of the morning to tell me her son had been killed. That moment is seared into my brain. There is no perfect, or pleasant way to deliver the news of the death of a loved one, but to learn it on a social media site, makes it so impersonal. I am not a person that keeps up with what’s going on on Facebook, and to learn about my friend’s death in that way makes me feel pretty…I can’t even think it.

I know that God had answered my prayer. I know that He used me to comfort her in that dark place where she spent her last days. In life, the Lord had extended my friend so much grace, more than anyone will ever imagine and now He extended mercy beyond words.

That last day I saw her I was remembering my mom. She too had been living with dialysis and in the end she made the decision to get off the machine. She lived two weeks after. The doctor had told me that morning that there was nothing they could for my friend. She would stay on dialysis until her body could no longer tolerate it, then hospice. I guess when the doctor spoke to her husband later that day she must have mentioned something about that possibility, because that evening in talking with him, my friend’s husband had adamantly said he would never take her off the dialysis machine.

Somehow, I knew that she preferred death to living in a shell of a once lively temple. It’s what she wanted, but it was not something she would ever ask of her husband. He was prepared to deal with her illness, to allow her body to keep going until it could no more. The only way I knew to help my friend was to cry out to God to help her. God showed her mercy.

She is at rest now. And those of us left behind must deal with her absence. In so many ways I am so thankful for her life and for her friendship…through it I learned that no matter what we suffer through God’s grace will always be greater. Still, death and life are never satisfied. Both keep us longing for more. I am thankful that my friend suffers no more and she is finally where she always wanted to be, with her heavenly Father.



Rest in peace my dear friend. Guadalupe Lacy 1946-2016

that place between life and death…part2

for my friend it has been a scary place. She has not improved. I went by to see her this morning and was glad to hear that she had been moved out of ICU and into a private room. As I walked down the corridor to her new room I could picture her sitting up in her bed, active and smiling, giving praise to the nurses for their excellent care. She can be that way. Being in ICU I had to wear gloves and a gown every time I visited. I was excited to be able to visit without having to suit up to see her, but that was not the case.

Sadly, my friend had taken a downturn that morning and the doctors were forced to place her on oxygen, a BiPaP, or something, is what I recall reading on the machine. Briefly, I spoke to the doctor about my friends condition. I had to know if this was due to complications from her diabetes and I was surprised to hear the doc say, most definitely. The diabetes was the main culprit, but there was nothing that could be done. She had not responded to any treatment. At this point, the doc said, it’s a matter of waiting until her body can no longer tolerate dialysis. Yes, she was also a dialysis patient. The last few months she had been having a lot of problems dialyzing. When her body can no longer handle dialyzing, the next step is Hospice. After that, it is just a matter of waiting for the inevitable.

I walked into her room and I was slapped by the foul odor of feces coming from her almost lifeless body. I greeted her and she opened her eyes ever so slight and she started to cry. There were no tears streaming down her face, only a moaning and squinted eyes gave her away. At first I thought she was in pain, but she look me straight in the eye and began to cry. She so wanted to communicate, but couldn’t. She tried to in spite of that heavy plastic contraption that was now covering most of her face. And she cried.

In her somewhat conscious state I repeated to her what the doctor had shared about the early morning scare. All she could do was gaze my way. No movement. I know it was futile, but I asked her questions, trying to force her to answer me. She was asking for help, but I did not know how to help. How do I help you? I asked in frustration. I was helpless, and I felt tears streaming down my face. I know she had never seen me cry. I won’t cry in the presence of others.

In my frustration I shared with her my early morning scare having to go to court with my daughter over a domestic violence issue. A couple of months ago, she and her husband got into a heated argument that required police intervention and somehow she was the one arrested and charged with assault. She had heard stories of this torturous relationship many times before. Anyway, my daughter had rejected a deal from the DA that required her to do a number of things, which she flat-out refused to do. She had done nothing wrong and was not about to take time away from her job and family to complete classes that she did not need. She chose to go to trial. That’s where we went this morning.

In her state, my friend listened. Since, my daughter had not been assigned a public defender I had advised her to speak to an attorney. She never found time to do that either, so she showed up with only her mother by her side to face the Judge. I went on…I told her that her husband did not even present himself. My daughter was praying the Judge would dismiss the case, but she knew she was taking a chance.

I shared part of the conversation I had with God the night before. I asked Him to forgive me for being mad at Him. How could I not be? My friend was still sick, I was still unemployed and now my daughter’s life hung in uncertainty. I cried out to God, so unsure that He could even hear me.  I kept trying to keep her attention. I told her how the Lord had been merciful to my daughter by dismissing the case. She was even reimbursed the bond fee. I know she saw me tearing up and I began to pray.

I can’t understand everything God is doing, but I know that He is working things out for His glory. I keep wanting to see my friend sit up and talk, smile, yell…anything. I want to share with her all the things that the Lord is teaching me. Will I see that happen? I honestly don’t know.

After a few minutes, even in her condition, I knew she had to be uncomfortable, so I called the nurse to come clean her up. Unfortunately, it was gruesome and after they finished she passed out again. She was in and out, so I just sat there trying to make sense of my world. Why does God feel the need to throw so much adversity my way? Why does He take so long to answer, or to provide? I was humbled to realize that my conversation the night before really did reach the ears of the living God. I know that He is somehow working through my friends illness.

After I left the hospital, I was listening to Christian talk radio and there was this preacher, I had never heard before, talking to me. Can you guess what the preacher was talking about? Yup, waiting on God. Have you been waiting years for God to provide? Yup. Have you been dealing with unemployment? Yup. Do you think God had forgotten about you? Yup. This preacher addressed everything I addressed in my conversation with God. He used the example of the man who had sent for Jesus so he could heal his daughter, but Jesus was intercepted by the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years thereby delaying healing for the man’s child. Both these characters had to wait on God. The woman waited twelve years for healing. The other lost his daughter waiting on God.

That night the Lord also showed me how much He wants to comfort us, even though we resist. My 3 y/0 grandson has been throwing temper tantrums…when he gets corrected, when he gets disciplined…when he does not get his way…need I go on. Well, in his fit…if I try to talk with him, or to comfort him he resists me, he runs from me yelling and screaming leave me alone! I don’t want you to hold me! on and on. All I want to do is love him, hold him, comfort him, explain things to him. No matter what he does I still love that little guy…so much. He can’t do anything to make me stop loving him. That’s how God is with me, with us.

Too many times God delays … but in His time and on His terms….His perfect will prevails.   

Luke 8

41 And, behold, there came a man named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue: and he fell down at Jesus’ feet, and besought him that he would come into his house:
42 For he had one only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she lay a dying. But as he went the people thronged him.
43 And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any,
44 Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.
45 And Jesus said, Who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
46 And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.
47 And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately.
48 And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.
49 While he yet spake, there cometh one from the ruler of the synagogue’s house, saying to him, Thy daughter is dead; trouble not the Master.
50 But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.
51 And when he came into the house, he suffered no man to go in, save Peter, and James, and John, and the father and the mother of the maiden.
52 And all wept, and bewailed her: but he said, Weep not; she is not dead, but sleepeth.
53 And they laughed him to scorn, knowing that she was dead.
54 And he put them all out, and took her by the hand, and called, saying, Maid, arise.

Be Blessed.