The Depravity of our Mind

Read with caution and in the name of Jesus, let the Spirit of the Lord give you understanding. This is not being presented as a judgment against these people, but as an example of the depths of depravity, even for the elect, to which man can sink.

Just a little disclaimer: This example in no way advocates for women to remain in abusive relationships, or deny the seriousness of mental illness. 

It has been over 30 years, but I know a woman who left her husband for another man, a married man, a married man that served as pastor at my church.

Before leaving her husband she had maintained an affair with my pastor for over 10 years and had two kids by him.

This same pastor beat his wife, daily, often times forcing his two boys to sit and watch. He beat his boys. He raped most women that he came into his home. He lied. He lied to his flock.

His wife dealt with his abuse for the sake of her boys. She suspected he was involved with other women, but it was a practice he continually denied.

The pastor’s wife broke down one day and left her abusive husband, and never looked back.  Regrettably, because of her mental state she had no choice but to leave her boys behind.

The woman involved in the affair, well…the pastor’s wife filed for divorce, so he married the adulterous woman. As you can imagine, the pastor did not change. He was an abusive man.

After 20 years of abuse, she too broke down one day, and walked away from her marriage. The only difference, the pastor had developed a brain disorder a few years earlier and he wound up losing much of his mobility, and his mental faculties. So, the abused, became the abuser. No, not physical abuse, but neglect. He needed a lot of personal care and many times she did not attend to his needs and often times left him alone for much of the day. And she cussed at him like a sailor.  I know because she shared during the bible studies, she taught,  that I attended.  Total disbelieve. And no matter what others said, she refused to accept anyone’s judgments. This woman, believe or not, was supposed to be best friend’s with the pastor’s wife. When the affair came to the attention of the church, the pastor’s wife warned this woman about her husband’s abuse. She refused to heed the warnings. SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

Today, she is not divorced yet, but she gladly takes part of his SSI check, but in the pastor’s state of mind, he gladly gives it to her. Worse, she lives with an illegal immigrant that she claims loves her, yet she complains of his need for “women of the evening” if you get my drift. He will gladly take any money she brings in. And, when she visits the home of one of his friends (which is frequented by these woman) she has no problem associating with these sorted woman, thus she claims herself as a “classy” woman compared to them. She is tiring of him, so she says there is another man that interests her. Oh and the man, the lover, was a man that her daughter was visiting with to maintain her habit (if you get my drift).

Also, I know a 39 year old man that lives like a squatter, if not worse, because he had no place to go. He refused to humble himself and seek his wife’s forgiveness. I can’t even describe his living conditions without it hurting my very soul. His situation reminded me of the prodigal son.

The people in this story are real. The people in this story are Christian. They go to church and have and do teach bible studies.

In these last days, reading the bible will be most crucial, so as to learn how to live for Christ and not for self. Judgment will start with the house of God. God have mercy on our soul. sunrise3

How do I wrapped my head around this, I ask God. These are Christians that are living like they have no accountability, only to themselves. Where is God in all this? …

Well, God is working. And He wants us to rest in Him. Sometimes, I find it difficult to understand how Christians can live without conscious for the things of God, but then God shows me…that is the world without God. And it is… that even with the knowledge of Jesus Christ, we as humans regress to worldly passions and desires and depravity when we choose to seek the things of the world. But if we seek God, He reveals the truth and nothing but the truth, and if we ask with a sincere heart, which God can recognize in a heartbeat, He can pull us out of our depravity and give us peace. Search me and know me Lord.

So, then what is being taught in today’s churches, I wonder? Tickling stuff, no doubt. Stayed tuned.

Does God still talk through a burning bush? Stay tuned.

Be blessed.


Desert Storm

So, my one year-old grandson has been down with a stomach virus the last few days. My little guy is just miserable. He has not had much of appetite, so we have been giving him clear liquids, dry crackers, and some Pedialyte to replace his electrolytes. Anyway, he is really miserable. This morning, as I watched him walkabout, crying, fussing, kinda rubbing his tummy and stumbling…just inconsolable. I wanted to hold him and comfort him and so I extended open arms, but he would just turn away, fussily. Even when I picked him up to comfort him, he fought me to put him down. There was just no consoling him. Well, I let him walk around, going in and out of the room fussing, stumbling, crying, every once in a while he let out a giggle that quickly turned to tears. I followed him, always near to catch him if he fell and make sure he did not hurt himself. That went on for a couple of hours. After a long morning, I noticed he was getting tired and so I picked him up, put him over my shoulders, still a bit fussy, but he finally fell into a sweet slumber. He was tired from not feeling well, but like when your’e sick…you just feel so bad you can’t sleep, well…babies are no different. The stomach bug was getting the best of him, but the doctor, as always said the virus had to run its course. Just keep him hydrated, which is what we are doing. My little fella. I feel bad because there is little I can do to comfort him and even when I try to provide comfort, it gets rejected. As a grandma, it hits the heart. I put him to bed and the little guy is still sleeping.

Well, the Lord is so gracious. Through this first trial with my grandson experiencing his first bug, the Lord uses the moment to show me some truth.

As children of the Living God, we get hurt, we ache, we moan and groan, we cry, we stumble, sometimes it’s because of some of the choices we mad, good, or bad, and other times through no fault of ours. In either circumstance, the Lord is always there to hold us, to comfort us and like my little fella that rejects my offer of comfort, so we reject the One that reaches out to comfort us.

And even more the Lord reveals He knows our pain. We, as humans can sympathize with someone suffering from the cold or the flu, for how many among us have never experienced a bad cold. I don’t know of anyone. And how many can feel the pain of someone suffering with cancer, not just the physical pain, but the mental anguish? Perhaps there is someone out there that has never had even a slightly sick day in their life, perhaps…pity him.

How many of us can know what is in the heart of any man. None of us. No one can truly know the pain in anyone’s heart. But here we have a Living God that created us, that knows our every thought, our every need, holds our tears in His hand and He wants to comfort us, yet at every turn, we reject Him. We, like a stumbling infant don’t know any better. And as adults, we believe we know best. We know how to fix what ails us. We turn to worldly solutions, forever finding the cure, but never being cured. My grandson can see me. He knows me and he may not understand that I am only trying to comfort him (because of his age), but he knows I am there for him whenever he is ready to let me comfort him…he reaches out his arms. And when he sees his mother, well she provides the comfort only a mother can provide. How much more can the Creator offer to His children? He wants to do for us what I want to do for my grandson, only He as the Creator of man can comfort beyond human ability. But like my grandson, we have to allow the Comforter to hold us.  Otherwise, it’s not until we finally get so tired we just collapse we reach out to the Father, and the Father is right there to pick us up and hold us in His arms, to shelter us in the shadow of His wings. How awesome is that!!! Image

I have a friend that deals with illness upon illness. She is on Kidney Dialysis. She had diabetes. She broke both ankles, at different times, so badly, she now finds it difficult to walk unsupported. Now, the doctors tell her she might have cancer. I try to comfort her, but it’s hard to find the right words, so I pray for her. I ask God to shelter her in the shadow of His wings, so the Lord carries her. She is seeing a psychiatrist to deal with her depression and suicidal tendencies…an effect of the various drugs she must take and then well…just the situation. It does not help, she says. The Lord, however, waits. His hands are outstretched and they never tire. It’s hard to reach for something you can’t see, so faith is a tremendous thing to have…

We must be careful what we pray for…

We must be careful what we pray for...

On our trip to Phoenix, I caught this photo of a wrecked vehicle sitting of to the side of the road, left abandoned, it seemed. The police were there investigating the wreckage. It was an interesting image that I took a couple of weeks ago…did not give it any mind, until I started reading Samuel.

Anyway, I am up to 1 Samuel in my year through the Bible and the Lord continues to reveal Himself to me. I am always left in awe. How good is my God!

Well, I started reading 1 Samuel earlier in the week. As I read, it was much the same as in previous books, God taking care of His people, testing them and indulging at times. When I got to chapter 10, God was upset with His children as they were demanding a king. “But today you have rejected your God, who saves you from all your calamities and your distresses, and you have said to him, ‘Set a king over us.’”  It got me to thinking about my requests. I have been struggling for a while, and in all that time the Lord has always taken care of me. No, He has not blessed me in abundance, but He has met my needs. His grace is sufficient, as the Word says.

Recently, because of my continued circumstances, I continually ask the Lord to search me, to show me what I am doing wrong, to show me what in me was holding Him back from blessing me.  Why don’t you bless me? I cried out to the Lord. As I pondered the scripture, my requests were presented to me, and the Lord showed me truth. My requests: a job, a car, or at least blessing the work of my hands, maybe a husband to at least take care of my needs. The last eight years have left me what has been defined as nothing less than a beggar.  Even though the Lord has sustained me, others do not see any evidence of His grace. Others, non-believers and believers alike measure me by the standards of the world. Shame on Christians, they should know better.

Anyway…what did God say you ask?  He was quite clear. In asking for these things, God said ” I have always provided for you, and you too reject me by asking for these “things” these worldly counterparts. Things that do not satisfy. God provided, protected and sustained me all these years and I was telling Him, it was not sufficient. I needed to work. If anything, I told the Lord that fellow Christians believe I am wrapped up in some sort of sin and that is why the Lord does not bless me.  I asked Him…Lord, in me asking for these things is that the same as asking for a king? Lord, what are you saying? I prayed.

I prayed and told God, OK. I accept this from you, but show me, confirm to me that this is from you and not just my thoughts judging me. So, God being God, did that just and the next day, it was confirmed.

Sometimes, as Christians, we ask God for things that we believe He wants us to have, such as work and basic stuff.  We forget that God knows all our needs, even before we ask. So He gives us what we want and the result is wrecked lives.  Like Rich Mullins sang…

“Surrender don’t come natural to me
I’d rather fight You for something I don’t really want
Than to take what You give that I need…

Rich Mullins – Hold Me Jesus

No one knows the heart of man, except God. Sure, we need to work to provide for our needs, but it is God that directs our path. Is there a job for me out there, somewhere? Perhaps, maybe not according to the ways of this world, but my desire is to do the will of the Father. Seriously, this world is quickly fading and those still caught up in the world will have a difficult time separating. If anything they will be easier to lead astray.  Praise be to our God!